iEars

i do still fancy yer

course i do

but at times yer a little

well

weird    

take the other night

when we were cuddled up

in the after glow light

of our own warmth

all snug close

yet you seemed so 

distracted

so i said what’s up honey

hoping you were struggling

to find the words to express

just how irresistibly horny

you find me

although if i’m honest i was ready

to hear the old 

it’s not you it’s me speech

or there’s this girl in my office

routine

you said you had this fantasy

believe me honey i was all ears

not a good thing

considering your desire to see 

Betty Boop and Minnie Mouse 

having girl on girl action

listen guy

it would be girl on mouse action

and that’s just so sick 

and the fact you were getting a hard on

just talking about it

makes me wonder

if i shouldn’t do the old

it’s not you it’s me sketch

but it would be you 

all you

no mistake guy 

you’re a little too

weird

© iDrew  2008

first published by the Gut  2009

                                                  


photograph by @midsummer.in.suffolk

iNaughty

me and freddie had a row in the pub

he stormed off moody in a huff

just ‘cos i was up for ‘aving a good time

all dressed up and ready to play

there was chat of a club

someone had some mdma

and we’d all been necking vodka

for i don’t know how long

i was cloud hopping 

numb to what’s right or wrong

next thing i remember

i’m in this bed toking on a bong 

my clothes on the floor

a caress and i feel fantastic

a tongue and i’m electric

spidery fingers making me wet and slippy  

it’s not that i’m a bad girl

though sure i can be a little bit naughty

i don’t mean nothing by it 

i just get so fucking horny

besides it’s too late now 

there’s no way back …

come daytime

head pounding i feel such a toilet

disgust gurgling in the pit of my stomach

my hair’s a crazy mess

my mouth’s a festering cesspit

i shouldn’t get in a panic 

he’s just a blip 

a stupid mistake

i wanna get home to take a shower

shampoo and scrub last night from existence

charge my phone and guilt ring freddie

tell him i love him (i really do)

suggest we put last night behind us

then this head pops out of the covers

mumbles something about a kettle

this time girl you’ve so fucked up

oh drew

what have you done

i can’t believe it

…  with freddie’s brother 

©2010 iDrew

first published by Naughtygirlx  20/02/10

Johnny Shoehead Accepts All Major Credit Cards

Johnny Shoehead’s ‘mood indicator’

patent invention and fashion accessory:

he wears a loafer when he’s working

a flip-flop when he’s chilling,

a slipper when he’s tired,

a trainer when he’s wired

a sandle when he’s spiritual

a DM boot is angry 

a brogue is for the occasional 

court appearance

a dancing shoe …

no prizes for getting that one right

and sometimes he wears a stiletto heel,

he says this is kinda an antenna feel

so he can make contact as he knows 

there’s a starman waiting in the sky

he’d like to come and meet us

but he thinks he’d blow our minds

Let the children use it

Available in full range of colours

and sizes.

Patent applied for.

© P.A.Levy  2009

first published by Everyday Genius 2010