iEars

i do still fancy yer

course i do

but at times yer a little

well

weird    

take the other night

when we were cuddled up

in the after glow light

of our own warmth

all snug close

yet you seemed so 

distracted

so i said what’s up honey

hoping you were struggling

to find the words to express

just how irresistibly horny

you find me

although if i’m honest i was ready

to hear the old 

it’s not you it’s me speech

or there’s this girl in my office

routine

you said you had this fantasy

believe me honey i was all ears

not a good thing

considering your desire to see 

Betty Boop and Minnie Mouse 

having girl on girl action

listen guy

it would be girl on mouse action

and that’s just so sick 

and the fact you were getting a hard on

just talking about it

makes me wonder

if i shouldn’t do the old

it’s not you it’s me sketch

but it would be you 

all you

no mistake guy 

you’re a little too

weird

© iDrew  2008

first published by the Gut  2009

                                                  


photograph by @midsummer.in.suffolk

iNaughty

me and freddie had a row in the pub

he stormed off moody in a huff

just ‘cos i was up for ‘aving a good time

all dressed up and ready to play

there was chat of a club

someone had some mdma

and we’d all been necking vodka

for i don’t know how long

i was cloud hopping 

numb to what’s right or wrong

next thing i remember

i’m in this bed toking on a bong 

my clothes on the floor

a caress and i feel fantastic

a tongue and i’m electric

spidery fingers making me wet and slippy  

it’s not that i’m a bad girl

though sure i can be a little bit naughty

i don’t mean nothing by it 

i just get so fucking horny

besides it’s too late now 

there’s no way back …

come daytime

head pounding i feel such a toilet

disgust gurgling in the pit of my stomach

my hair’s a crazy mess

my mouth’s a festering cesspit

i shouldn’t get in a panic 

he’s just a blip 

a stupid mistake

i wanna get home to take a shower

shampoo and scrub last night from existence

charge my phone and guilt ring freddie

tell him i love him (i really do)

suggest we put last night behind us

then this head pops out of the covers

mumbles something about a kettle

this time girl you’ve so fucked up

oh drew

what have you done

i can’t believe it

…  with freddie’s brother 

©2010 iDrew

first published by Naughtygirlx  20/02/10

Johnny Shoehead Accepts All Major Credit Cards

Johnny Shoehead’s ‘mood indicator’

patent invention and fashion accessory:

he wears a loafer when he’s working

a flip-flop when he’s chilling,

a slipper when he’s tired,

a trainer when he’s wired

a sandle when he’s spiritual

a DM boot is angry 

a brogue is for the occasional 

court appearance

a dancing shoe …

no prizes for getting that one right

and sometimes he wears a stiletto heel,

he says this is kinda an antenna feel

so he can make contact as he knows 

there’s a starman waiting in the sky

he’d like to come and meet us

but he thinks he’d blow our minds

Let the children use it

Available in full range of colours

and sizes.

Patent applied for.

© P.A.Levy  2009

first published by Everyday Genius 2010

iBag

i was getting an eggy sarnie and an 

apple from m&s for me lunch

queing at the checkout behind

an old doris with her

biscuit odour and heavy over

coat even though it wasn’t cold

there was me in a little 

cotton summer dress

she had oven ready meals

tins of soup and tuna on the conveyor belt

and asked the checkout girl for

a bag for life

i thought what’s the point of that

she looked eighty

if a day

the old biddy noticed my lunch

smiled at me insisting i should buy

a beef stew with dumplings apparently

they’re very good

i told her i was a veggie

but you’re so skinny my dear she said

yeah ok thanks for the confidence boost

i considered putting that bag for life over

her head

a bag for the life of an old bag

but then

revenge is a dish best served without 

jacob’s cream crackers

you young things are so thin

and showing all that flesh

weren’t like that in my day

well i’m getting by thank you very much

getting my boy five-a-day portions i lied

wanting to shock by being all sluttish

but with a sweet old lady 

false teeth smile she said

good for you girl

if i could have my time again i’d be 

a right dirty cow

being good’s dead boring then before

you know it a decent shag will bust

yer hip and what with the n-h-s waiting

list i tell yer girl

you go for it

© 2012 iDrew

first published by Twenty Something Press  2012

Hang-ups

Still the same old hang-ups:

storm-proof body warmer

extra thick gloves, 

snagged wooly scarf

coming undone

with all manner of insecurities 

straggling on the coat rack

in the corner of the room

where I’ve hung my shadow 

for treason, drawn and quartered

without reason. Now he hangs

about in all four corners 

dispiritedly dissolving into melancholia,

conducting a cat gut psychopathic string quartet

in tune with wind warped radio crooners;

(twisting, yeah twisting, twisting the night away,

yeah we’re twisting …)

and so I’m left to my own time bomb devices

daredevil open the throttle straight into sunlight.

Trust me to have a super ego hero 

no good at flying  

so when the chords crash 

and the tension music unexplainably

misses a beat

if I scream, who will come to rescue me?

Still the same old screw-ups:

a wall of smiling photographs  

once exposed from negatives.

An invisibly supported shelf

for my self-help support paperbacks.

A mirror in the bathroom

please don’t freak - sing the song

in the morning as you brush your teeth. 

Happy tunes before I see I,

and my shadow always lurking 

not far behind.

© 2006 P.A.Levy

first published by Poetry Warrior  2009

                    

                                  The Ophelia Syndrome

(the miss haversham scenario)

on the suburban stained mattress

of a semi-detached bed

her life from little girl to widow 

cut short 

comes to a spinster end

and all because he just had to find out

what taste was on natasha’s lips 

inhale her cunt’s hot glowing scent

and how well his cock would fit

inside natasha slut with golden hair

handmade tits 

and long long barbie legs 

(the duties of a bridesmaid)

i laid down on the reedy bed

next to the bride full of bubbly turpentine 

who shot her bridegroom down in flames 

and still in her meringue dress

wails behind the cobweb veil

waltz drunk and dribble wet

she curls up as if to die

(has there ever been such a thing

as a best man)

she didn’t mean anything

was his excuse for the broken things

like the broken scene 

from a glossy magazine

i had to scream at her

not to take this lying down

and so we waited for the river to flow

and the water to rush

garland carry us

on columbines rosemary pansies and rue

i offered her violets

but they withered

crestfallen by the wave that took us out to sea

(the bride rescued and set free)

© 2009 Charlotte De'Ath

first published by Slink Chunk 2014

But They Loved Their Dear Old Mum

But They Loved Their Dear Old Mum

the old outlaws on the big screen

mile end odeon were nostalgically

handsome even their shadows

were larger than life 

but hollywood noir heroes

are thin on the ground down

the ratcliff highway and 

petticoat lane market

every girl worth a second glance

gets the hots for a bad’un it’s an

unwritten rule as is not being a grass to 

the boys in blue

she knows that to twirl a curl and bat 

a lash even for a mystery psychopath

dapper dressed in black is where it’s at 

then down the blind beggar

sipping a port and lemon with

the krays who wore suits from saville row

don’t you know

who were photographed by bailey

were must have guests for 

any hip and happening champagne party

had they not been incarcerated for

another decade or two

there would have been 

a book deal a spread in hello maybe 

even a slot on the telly

god bless our east end villains

salt of the earth

from the very streets jack the ripper 

done his best work

©  P.A.Levy  2012

first published by  Your One Phone Call  2015

                                           

.

Shop Girls

Shop girls
smoke cigarettes for lunch,
exhale gossip on who’s having it off and who’s up the duff,
and what to wear
(giving unrestricted access to all erogenous regions)

Shop girls
talk about fucking
and how they’re in their element gazing up at the stars;
kicking clouds
(have they got enough money left for the morning after pill?)
It serves as an antidote to worrying about varicose veins
or standing on their fallen arches.

Shop girls
chew gum, noisily
can look quite scary with a tightly pulled back ponytail,
and say things like:
“have a nice day” (or “I’ve had him he were shite.”)
“Please come again.”

Shop girls

like to let their hair down without worrying (about gonorrhoea
and chlamydia),
and you can always find them during happy hour
having fun; giggling.
Shop girls
are the salt of the earth
god bless each and everyone.

©2008 P.A.Levy

First published 2010 by Spoken War (magazine closed)

iSlut

i’ll give yer a call in the week

was the last thing he said as the door

closed and his footsteps

faded away into the early morning 

yeah right i’m gonna believe that

but i do every time and make excuses

thousands of excuses that his phone

must be broken or he has run out

of credits and i check my phone

make sure it’s still working

wonder if maybe he is working away

on one of his UN special missions

in some remote place

and can’t get a signal

what if he’s had an accident

and lost his memory or is in a coma 

or press ganged by pirates and forced

to sail the seven seas or even had his identity

stolen and now he doesn’t know 

who he is

then again

perhaps i’m just a slut 

© 2008

First published  The Gut 2009

Image from Cherry Glazerr video 'Wasted Nun'